At eighteen years old, I was coerced into an extremely abusive marriage, I had grown up in a patriarchal religious household where submission was framed as virtue and endurance was presented as faith. I was taught that if I stayed humble, obedient and a “good wife,” God would honor that sacrifice.

Five years into that marriage after years of sexual, physical and verbal abuse my husband abruptly moved in with another woman. What should have been devastation and on multiple levels was, also became a moment of clarity. I saw my escape and took it. Filing for divorce went directly against mine and my families beliefs but I knew of no other way to protect my children and myself from future harm. I knew that I had a responsibility and that was no longer compliance. It was protection for the son that I had and the child that was on the way.

Leaving that marriage felt like the end of a tragedy, and the chance to finally begin again. But freedom without healing is fragile. Without disrupting patterns or learning to respect myself, I repeated what was familiar – 5 years later entering another marriage marked with abuse and control.

It was not until I was 38 that everything changed, I took my body, my mind, my heart well simply put I took my power and it could not be taking it back because reality was I had never had it. I did the work to heal, to unlearn submission masquerading as morality, and to claim control of my own life.

Today, I write and advocate from the other side of control. My work centers on coercive abuse, personal responsibility, and the belief that freedom is not granted by institutions, families or belief systems- IT IS CLAIMED. Life on the other side of control is not only possible; it is beautiful.

Grace Gagliano